Sunday, May 6, 2012
So I have been glued to my computer at night looking for what I want and or need.
I have to admit I am somewhat addicted to online shopping. It's dangerously easy to purchase what I need online, the bargains..the convenience.
A click of a button ..and BOOM. $$$$$$ CHA-ching..bought and shipped to you.
And the thrill of finally receiving the package you have been waiting for is great. The only thing that saves me from being a shopaholic is the fact that I don't shop on impulse. I will sit on an item for days before I take the plunge to buy online.
In the situation I am in right now, I need to buy a lot. But when 1 makeup brush can cost ya $30-45 then it's only normal to hesitate a bit before buying. I am a huge bargain hunter, getting the best deal is important and I always buy what is practical and splurge only on occasion. But in this industry..going for the deepest discount can sometimes backfire on you.
quality > quantity
In the end I know all of the money will be worth it. Nothing good comes easy that's for sure!!
Time to drop some cash and paint some faces!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I have so much on my mind but a few questions stand out to me.
Why is lying so easy for some people, almost second nature?
Why me? I think I am a great person...Why me?
Can people change?
Is love enough and does it really conquer all?
I have a big heart, and when I love...I love big.
I guess ......Only time will tell.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
2011 hasn't been the easiest or the best year for me. I went through a lot of changes and when I say a lot.. I mean A LOT. But we only learn and grow from what challenges us. The so called speed bumps in life help build character and make us who we are. I think that everything does happen for a reason. I've learned so much this past year. I've realized a lot about myself and what I really want out of life.
My whole world was turned upside down in August. I lost my house, my dog Bosley and although I didn't quite lose them...my extended family. Not to mention someone I was with for almost 5 years. Everything that I was used to and loved pretty much vanished. But I started looking at everything as a necessary change. I needed to lose all of this to gain so much more. I've had such a hard time this year struggling with career decisions and dealing with depression. I am now depression free, making important decisions for my future and smiling 10x more than I have been in a long time. Now I'm not saying I was unhappy 100% of the time but my life was definitely lacking.
I looked at my last blog entry and wanted to delete it immediately because I don't feel like that at all anymore. But that is all a part of the process, having regret, sadness, acceptance and moving on. It all doesn't happen over night. Thinking back to when I wrote the last post and how I felt to how I feel now makes me smile. I'm in such a good place now.
I'm ok with being alone. I'm enjoying my time with my friends and family. Although I am with the same
company, now I am working at a different location with all new faces. Meeting new people and going out on dates to see what is out there. Life is looking different and well... it's looking good.
"It always seems impossible until it's done."
- Nelson Mandela
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
- Helen Keller
"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently."
- Henry Ford
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I feel like this is tearing us apart, not making our relationship stronger. What BS.
Why does 1 day feel like 5 to me? I guess it will get better. I'm just waiting for that day to come. Not the day when my love stops for patrick, but the day I can FULLY accept what is happening.
I am going sky diving October 1st. I really wish I was doing it sooner. I feel like jumping out of that plane will be life changing. Patrick used to always say, "Why the hell would you jump out of a perfectly good airplane?!" well Pat....all of this.. this bull shit and the heart ache and the worrying..and the loss. This is why.
I've always wanted to skydive and do adventurous things. I feel like I lost my interest and passion in music, art and everything else under the sun that I loved so dearly (before my relationship and during the first 2 years of it). people have said that I lost my light a bit... I don't laugh as hard or as much, i'm not as goofy and carefree. It's probably because he is more reserved and not as outgoing and free spirited as I am. Maybe it's because we have both been through a lot of shitty times as individuals and as a couple the past couple years..we can't catch a break.
Maybe that is a part of getting older- you become more responsible, more aware of consequences. But I do notice the difference..Maybe it was our living situation.. I know that killed our relationship.. You can't have 2 other men living with you and a number of other people always ALWAYS at your house. Eventually it is going to wear you down. I felt like there were a hundred people in my relationship..and when I became depressed for other reasons..my packed house made it impossible to bounce back and gain the sanity that I needed. It killed the intimacy in our relationship, the alone time..just watching tv or cooking together..the things we love.
Maybe this is what we need as a couple...maybe this is just the end. But I know we are moving forward somehow.. I'm regaining my individuality. Maybe I will finally get my arm done, maybe i'll learn how to play guitar, go to more concerts, maybe I'll laugh a little more, this might be a good thing. It's just hard to see right now.
Hopefully it all works out. I know I deserve better, I know I can do better..but do I want to? Should I be with someone that might not potentially want to marry me or have kids? Should I find someone else that will. I love this man so much..much more than I ever realized until I lost him. Is friendship with an ex of 5 years a possibility? He wants that if things don't work out.. I guess we will find out. Maybe friends at a distance.. I know I won't give up friends I've made through him..and I'm happy he isn't making me.
ah shit. Only time will tell.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
TAVERN. Simply put. Just passing through Fairview Park, Ohio most people would pass by this sign not even thinking twice about stopping in. The fairview tavern is a neighborhood bar but it is so much more. With a fantastic menu, great prices and a beyond friendly atmosphere.....its one of my favorites. Every time I dine here, I am surprised. The food is delicious, certainly not "bar food". If you want a relaxing lunch or to party at night its the place to be. These pierogies are made locally, and I can tell. Super filling and finger licking good!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
I am capitalizing it because lately it is very rare I am like this. I woke up at 8am ready to work. (and super cheery I might add) I started cleaning, got all of my hair cutting/coloring tools together. I turned on the tv in the kitchen, ground coffee beans (the annoying sound was blissful music to my ears for some strange reason) and made some coffee. Not even pissed off that all I had to eat for breakfast was a stale chocolate hazelnut biscotti. A client of mine came over at 9:00am for a cut and color and I got done in very fast timing- doing a very good job. Made some $$$ and then cleaned some more. Cut my boyfriend's brother's hair then proceeded to do the monstrous amount of dishes( that I did not make dirty) while humming Love Lost by The Temper Trap. (which I will be posting on here after this, maybe it will get it out of my head) All of this before 12. Shit normally when I have do the dishes made dirty by 3-6 men(none by me) all I can do is visualize punching them in the head for every dish they leave crusted over with food. I'm proud of myself today. GO ME.
Seems like a normal morning... not quite for me. Lately I have been extremely tired, cranky, stressed or depressed. Everything is a chore and bothersome and If I have to work at 3pm..I'm usually being unproductive, sitting on the couch until 12 or 1. I don't want to be like this, I prefer today's mood. But lately I have been in a horrible "funk". Maybe this is a sign that things will be ok.
One thing that shocks me ..a little bit. I was extremely entertained watching Justin Bieber on The View today. What?! Bieber? I can't stand that little douche! Nope not anymore. Maybe it was this weird mood I am in today but I was a little smitten by this charming young man on there. He was so adorable. I don't think I have the "bieber fever" and I am pretty sure I won't be humming any of his songs while I do the dishes any time soon.
However I can't help but hear Simon & Garfunkel's Mrs. Robinson play in my head. He may be growing on me. I don't want to puke when I see him on tv anymore. So thats a plus.. One more Semi-fan for him.
Wishing I didn't have to waste this mood on work tonight. Hoping this day will stay on this "positive productive path". Say that 10 times fast.